Things I Learned & Loved From “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret”

I recently cut out of work on a not so busy Friday afternoon and went to see the movie Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. Yes I went alone. Yes my wife, Mary said, “You’re going to see what?” Yes, I loved it. 

I had low expectations, thinking that some nostalgia, coming of age, rom-com vibes would be all the more I needed on a lovely Friday afternoon. So color me surprised when I bounced out of the theater thinking about all the things I loved and learned from that movie. Of course, I knew I needed to share it all with you folks immediately, and by immediately, I mean three weeks later.

Here goes.

1. I most definitely want Rachel McAdams to be my mom or to teach me how to be a mom or maybe both. She was supportive in the way that was always there for her daughter, but not helicopter-y. When little Mags (as I’m calling her now) blurted out a desperate plea for a bra, she gave a nod and a wink showing she’s in on the joke, but her reaction wasn’t so big that it resulted in the dreaded “condescending mom face” which is generally followed by a twelve-year-old hormonal outburst. For her journey in the film, Rachel (if I may call her that) calmly, and methodically worked on finding herself and her art, never letting those PTA ladies with the bouffant hair-dos get her down. She’s the grace under fire that I rarely seem to pull off as a parent. In short, get yourself a mama who looks at you the way Rachel McAdams looks at Mags.

2. What? A movie that focuses on the mom’s journey? No es possible! The husband, Herb, was nothing more than window dressing in this film. Sure, he got the big job that allowed them to buy a house in the burbs, but then he just went to work. They didn’t pivot to some “I never get to see my kid because I’m working so hard for this McMansion” or “I make the money, now where’s my dinner?” plot line. Now you might be saying, “Um, Robin, that’s because the book was a mother-daughter journey.” To that I say: a. Don’t matter what’s in the book, we all know what Hollywood does with an adaption. Hello Fried Green Tomatoes. That’s a movie where they removed the lezzie stuff when it went from book to screen. If you didn’t get my reference. B. You know I’m not even certain I actually read the Margaret book. I know. Anyway, the beauty of this movie is that Herb was relegated to the spot that every mom or wife has played in commercials, sitcoms, and movies for the last 50 years. Hooray to whomever snuck that shiznit through. I see you!

3. There’s nothing like some 1970s tampon commercial pre-movie content. Alamo Drafthouse nails the pre-movie show experience. If you’ve never been to an Alamo you’re missing out. Food and drinks are delivered to your seat. They have big, comfy leather seats and assigned seating. But the best part, they customize the pre-show content with topics and time period relevant commercials, movie clips, and weird music video shorts. I’m here to tell you, tampon commercials have come a long way. One note about movies with assigned seats, don’t choose the seat directly next to someone when the theater is wide open. Yes, this note is specifically for that lady who gave me the ¾ turn when I ordered an Old Fashioned with my chips and queso. Mind your business, lady.

4. I probably didn’t need the second Old Fashioned at 3pm on a friday. But you only live once.

5. We all probably owe an apology to that girl who developed first in our middle school. The character Laura was ostracized and pretty much called a whore because she got the boobs before everyone else in her class. Yes, that character was played by someone who looked 37, but the story still holds. I remember the girl who got the boobs first in my school and the same types of rumors swirled around about her. It’s a tale as old as time, and we should all apologize ASAP. While we’re at it, let’s also teach our kids– both boys and girls, that having a body or loving your body doesn’t mean you’re a slut.

6. I’d really like one tenth of  Nancy’s confidence. Nancy walking around claiming supermodel  status gave me all the feels. I had to grow into my confidence and it’s something that I’m still freaking growing into. On a side note, can I be done with that already? Anyway, in another uncharacteristic move for Hollywood, no one shamed Nancy for being a strong-ass-baller-bish and loving herself. Yes, she was a tad bit bossy (and maybe not so nice to Laura) but the movie didn’t demonize Nancy, which I think is a pretty freaking great message for young ladies. Go ahead and love yourself. Say you are beautiful. That might free you up in your 20s or 30s to spend your free time crushing it vs. contemplating your self worth with a therapist. Can you imagine?

7. Kathy Bates had me at hello. From Fried Green Tomatoes to Dolores Claiborne to Margaret. I love Kathy Bates and I always will. Is there nothing she can’t do? Why is she not revered in the same way that my (imaginary) gal-pal Meryl is? When I meet Ms. Bates (#goals,) I will most definitely find a way to tell her how amazing she is in a non dorky way. Don’t worry, I won’t start with “I’m your number one fan!” For obvious Misery reasons.

8. Coming of age films are my jam. There’s something about looking back on a journey, remembering the good ol’ days, and leaning into nostalgia. This was especially true in Margaret what with the familiar dial up phones, shag carpet, and velvet paintings littered about the screen. But what I’ve realized about coming of age films is they allow you to see your past from the other side. Obviously, I was watching this movie more for the mom than little Mags. And this point of view gives me a touch more space for my mom and what she went through as a parent. 

9. Go see a movie alone. You won’t regret it. I already knew this, but it was once again reinforced on my trip to see Margaret. If you can cut out of work during the day, even better. There’s something about being surrounded by strangers in a dark theater as you’re transported to another time and place, then walking out into the sunlight. Again though, please remember item # 3. regarding open seats. Back to my point, even a bad movie takes you out of your life for just a moment and allows you to imagine, play, dream, think and feel. 

So, I’ll see you all next week at the movies. Nah, I’m kidding. Like I said, I go alone. But, I’ll be back here next week with another story. You should see Margaret by then and report back in the comments!

Pride is coming! Buy Robin’s book “If These Ovaries Could Talk: The Things We’ve Learned About Making an LGBTQ Baby” right now!