The Power of Saying "I Love You"

Embracing Vulnerability and Spreading Love Beyond Comfort Zones

I attended a self-help workshop a number of years back where they did an “I Love You” exercise. The teachers walked around the circle of participants, took a moment to connect with each person, looked them in the eye, and said, “I love you.” 

I remember feeling absolute outrage. I thought, “Are you kidding me? You met me four minutes ago. How dare you tell me that you love me. You don’t know me and can’t possibly love me.” Their cavalier use of such an important phrase felt irresponsible. 

They repeated the exercise on the final day of the program. By this time, I was in the glow of a bunch of days of therapy, and I saw the exercise much differently. The instructor looked me deep in the eyes and said, “I love you.” I thought, “And I love you too.” I loved this woman for the journey we had been on together, but I could also see that it’s possible to have empathy, compassion, and love for someone because they’re human beings walking the earth and doing their best to get by. 

Yes, this is all very hippy-dippy, but that exercise opened up something inside me. I realized I had been pretty darn stingy with “I love yous” and hugs for my friends and loved ones. It made me think of my college pal, Bud. He’s a former D3 college football player, so he’s a big fella, and he gives what can only be described as the best hugs in the universe. His giant frame envelopes you, and it feels all safe, like somebody somewhere, is in charge, and we might just be okay. He hugs you when you arrive at his house, when you tell a funny joke that makes him laugh, and there’s always a back-cracking hug on the way out the door. 

I’m not sure why I’ve been reluctant to tell people I love them or hug them. Some of it, I think, comes from an insecurity that I’ll tell someone I love them, and they’ll respond with a look similar to when you smell rancid milk, or they’ll say, “Um, could you not stand so close to me?” I’m not sure why I’m withholding matters, but what does matter is that I know I’d like to open myself up more and share more love. 

On this week’s episode of my podcast, Well…Adjusting, we were joined by sisters Meredith Goldstein (the Boston Globe’s Love Letters) and Brette Goldstein (a casting director). They are two incredibly close sisters who describe each other as “their person.” Our conversation was fascinating, vulnerable, and hilarious, and at the end, I found myself declaring that I would like to be a part of Team Goldstein in any way they’d have me. 

Team Goldstein

Listening to the first edited cut of the episode, which is part of our production process (we listen and give notes as a team before finalizing and releasing it to the world), I got to the end of the interview and heard myself say to Meredith and Brett, “I love you guys. Thanks for being on.” 

As I listened back, I was startled that I just threw out an I love you to two ladies I met 45 minutes before, but I thought, “I like it.” I then put my other edit notes into the team doc and noticed that someone from our production crew had made a note about that exact moment. “Do we find it strange that Robin is saying ‘I Love you’ to our guests?” 

I immediately piped in on the comments! “Yes, it took me by surprise, too, but OMG, do not even think about cutting this moment! It’s genuine, from the heart, and we need more ‘I Love You’s’ in the world!”

In thinking about the moment, I responded to the vulnerability these two lovely ladies brought to this conversation. I responded to the fact that they welcomed us into an important conversation in their lives. I responded to the love that they share. I responded to the infectious joy brought on by getting to pick apart a problem with other people. 

So, it seemed disingenuous to cut that moment even if it felt vulnerable for me. 

I’m not done thinking about my journey from Rob-enezer Scrooge to a gal looking to share more love in the world. I could still stand to be more giving of the love but less giving of the judgment. So I’ve decided to add to our family motto, which is currently, “You don’t cut funny!” And make it, “You don’t cut funny, and you don’t cut love.” 

I think I can get the family on board.

While I work on that, why not listen to this conversation with the Goldstein ladies; Brette and Meredith? You’ll feel better for it. When you’re done listening, head on out into your day and tell someone you love them, then give them a Bud-sized hug.