Sliding Doors and Life Lessons
Middle-Aged Wisdom for My Younger Self
When I was a kid, I thought that old people, you know like 30, had it all figured out. Little did I know middle-aged folks still don't have the answers. I've often thought about what it would be like if I could deliver a letter to young Robin–that girl with a bowl haircut and big feelings with nowhere to put them.
Would such a letter have changed the trajectory of my life?
Maybe, but it could end up like the Gwenyth Paltrow movie Sliding Doors. Young Robin would get a trendy haircut and follow a parallel life path to the Other Young Robin who didn't get the letter. They'd both end up in the same place.
Who can say?
If given the chance, I'd want to share with young Robin all the essential things I've learned about life so far. Current Day Robin, who's embracing AI and thinking about the future, is pretty sure it's just a matter of time before someone figures out how to deliver that letter. Since I'm a gal who likes to be prepared, here are my thoughts for tiny me.
Dear Punky,
You were right; you'll never use math equations again. But, and it's a giant but, like an implant kind of butt (you'll learn about those later,) you will use the analytical thinking that math brings you. You will use it a lot. You won't know how to help your future kids with order of operations problems, but you will be able to think your way out of any problem analytically. So, I'm sorry, pal, you have to finish that math. Try to focus on how to get the answer rather than getting the answer right.
Nothing lasts forever. This tidbit will feel like I'm talking about the mean kids in middle or high school, but it's much bigger than that. More dark days will come, but they will also go. When you have your first kid (Spoiler alert, you have these kids with another woman. I'll explain that in a different letter. It's complicated. But you will go on to write a book about it.) Anyway, back to the baby thing. Our friend Aileen said, "Everything is just a phase." That means that when you're raising those kids, that horrible teething phase will pass, but it also means that the delightful phase where the kids talk endlessly about you going to college with them also ends. Try to appreciate each phase as best you can. There's always something to learn from them.
Speaking of appreciating phases, you will tell yourself to appreciate the little things your whole life. You will read that dumb poem that says, "Dance like nobody's watching!" You'll read it a lot. Particularly after someone dies too young, and you'll think this time, I've heard the message, and I'll be different. But don't be fooled; you don't really have it. You will for a while, but then slowly, over time, old behaviors will creep back, like raging about the price of cereal or your co-worker, Susan. But that's okay. Life happens. When you notice that you've turned into a crusty booger face, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and reset.
You'll also spend a lot of time resetting. Life is going to keep on pushing you. TikTokers–I'll also explain TikTok and social media to you in another letter. It's hard to comprehend, but random strangers will make videos you'll watch on your phone for hours at a time. Most videos will be dumb, but you'll keep scrolling and then say to yourself, "Wow. Where did the time go?" There are some pretty funny cat videos, so maybe it's not so bad? At the time of writing this letter, no one knows if it's good or bad. Anyway, some of these TikTokers are going to take 17 seconds to tell you that all you have to do is breathe. Unfortunately, it's not quite that simple. You'll have to work to process all those feelings and take care of yourself, but you'll be committed, so don't worry. If you start worrying, please re-read point two and remind yourself nothing lasts forever.
Surround yourself with lovely people. At your age, when you feel like you don't have a lot of friends, I'm sure this bit of advice is a head-scratcher. You have to trust me on this one. You're going to head off to college, and you'll learn to drink beer while in a handstand on top of a keg. You'll also learn that people like you. Finding like-minded friends on your journey is of the utmost importance. Look for the people who treat you well, support you the way you support them, make you laugh, and are up to something in this world. They'll inspire you, help you grow, and become your chosen family.
Maybe start working on taking the pressure off a bit. I won't lie, kid, we stink at "easy does it." Somewhere along the line, we missed the memo that we can hustle for things, but we should also chill the fuck out sometimes. Now I know I'm breaking that whole Sliding Doors, I can't change the future by alerting you about this thing, but I'm still going to try. I'm just saying, maybe ask some people how to take it easy.
Have you thought about stretching? Here I go again, trying to fix the future, but no one tells you when you're younger that the wheels will fall off in your 40s. Just when you hit your stride as an adult (yes, it does take that long,) you find yourself looking for a chiropractor saying, "Oh, this one looks good. I hope they take my insurance!" I can't say a stretching routine will change all that because, at some point, your body turns into a used car that's blowing a gasket every six to 12 months, but hey, it can't hurt to try.
One thought about the lady parts. When the doctor tells you, "You're going to feel a small pinch." They're absolutely lying. It's never a small pinch. Also, many women will tell you, "Pregnancy is magical." Don't believe the hype. You're going to hate it like the heat of 1000 suns, but you will give birth twice, and it won't be so bad in the rearview mirror because of those two ridiculously cute babies. Lastly, I would be remiss if I didn't send just one other letter to you about menopause. I know it's a lot of letters, but this is mission-critical information. As you get older, it's shocking how few people will talk about menopause. A few folks will say, "Oh, your period will stop, and that's that." That's not that. Older you is going to try to talk about it as much as she can to help younger folks who need to know what's coming. Older you feels uncomfortable talking about menopause because it makes her feel old, but she does it anyway. It's one of those greater good things.
It's all going to be okay. There are so many moments where you won't know what to do next, but I promise you, if you slow down, listen to your instincts, and find a group of loved ones who give solid advice, you'll be okay. You'll figure out how to handle the downs and ride the wave of the ups. You'll do your best to appreciate the little things, which even include that dumb poem. So go out there and dance like nobody's watching. Yeah, I said it, but I had to because some of our favorite moments in life have been dancing with the people we love.
That's it Little Robin. I love you. You're not alone. Go out there and crush it. But you know, also be gentle.
XOXO,
Big Robin
LOVE! This is great. Nicely done.
Loved this Robin!