Roses Are Red, Valentine’s Day Is Dumb

My Anti-Valentine’s Day, Valentine’s Day Post

I’ve never really loved Valentine’s Day. It forces people into these saccharine, over-the-top moments that may or may not be authentic. How many times have we seen a guy sprint into a deli at 5 p.m. to grab the last half-wilted bouquet, or frantically flipping through the greeting cards at the drugstore like he’s cramming for a romance final? You can just picture him scribbling a generic I love you so much, babe before rushing off to an overpriced prix fixe dinner. Percentage chance of a fight before dessert? A solid 90%. Because the world has told you this night should be perfect!

Am I sounding a tad bit cynical? Perhaps.

But in my defense, I spent my teen years, my 20s, and a decent chunk of my 30s alone on this ridiculous holiday. And let me tell you, nothing makes you feel more single than the entire universe saying, What have you got planned for the big day? Oh wait, you’re alone. Well, I’m sure there are some very good movies out or you could just hang with your cat. Either way, good luck with that.

Luckily for me, I eventually married the lovely and ever-patient Mary, who also thinks Valentine’s Day is dumb. This year, though, one of our kids is celebrating their first-ever Valentine’s Day, which is the only reason it’s even on my radar. I had absolutely zero awareness of the date’s significance when I tried to book their passport renewal appointment for February 14th. The response?

"Um, Mama… maybe not on the 14th?"

Me: "Why? What’s wrong with—oh… oh. Right."

Which got me thinking: Just how bad have Mary and I been at celebrating Valentine’s Day in the past?

So, I took a little stroll down memory lane. Here are some highlights I found in my pictures and emails of our romantic Valentine’s Day history. I found the following:

• A picture of me alone in Prospect Park, in my very best hiking boots, cracking ice with my foot. For no apparent reason.

• Front and back pictures of Mary’s driver’s license so I could upload them to a doctor’s portal. Nothing says romance like medical paperwork.

• A photo of our son passed out on the couch.

• An email updating Mary on the read-a-thon at our kid’s school.

• A reminder from Mary to me to pay the balance on her credit card.

• Not a single email or picture was found of us on February 14th for nearly a decade (2012–2019). Given our kids’ ages during that stretch, this does not surprise me in the least.

We are so romantic, aren’t we?

But don’t worry—this year, one of us will be picking up our kid from their first-ever Valentine’s Day date, and the other (me) will be asleep before 9 p.m.

Happy Valentine’s Day, y’all!

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Oh, and hey if Valentine’s Day’s got you in your feelings 💔, I’ve got the perfect antidote for ya.

This week on my podcast, Well… Adjusting, we’re asking the big question: How do you become okay with being single? Our guest, Renee, came on to explore that—but in true Well Adjusting fashion, we dug even deeper. What if the real question is: Have you ever truly let yourself be seen in relationships? 👀

It might just be the ultimate Anti-Valentine’s Day episode… and honestly, we love that. 😏