I’m a Trendsetter and the Burden is Real
Serving Lewks since 1976.
My sister recently sent me a treasure-trove of pictures from my childhood. A curious thing happened while I looked at picture after picture – I realized I was serving lewks, as the kids today say. The more I saw myself, the more I realized that I was not only ahead of my time, but I had been a goddamn fashion trendsetter all along.
Who knew?
With this new-found information, the first thing I’ve had to do is forgive myself for all the times that I referred to myself as a badly dressed lesbian. What can I say? Mistakes in judgment happen.
Next came feelings of excitement, quickly followed by trepidation. Being a fashion maven is a huge responsibility. It’s just a matter of time before requests for consultations begin pouring in.
While I may not have time (right now) to start that fashion consulting gig I’m so clearly destined for, I can share a few of my inspirational looks, in hopes that it will help you.
Look. Learn. Use this knowledge as you get ready for that next special occasion.
You’re welcome.
Long before Adam Rich stepped onto the set to film “Eight is Enough,” I was hard-core rocking the Dutch Boy hair cut. Why wouldn’t I? This look is fresh and shiny, it sticks to your face, and you’ll never think, “Oh crap. Is my hair flat?” Of course it is. It’s supposed to be as flat as the day is long. Seeing how hot I look here, I’m considering whether I need to bring this look back. It’s risky, though. I’m married now, and maybe I’d be “too hot.” It’s something to think about. For Mary and the kids.
I rocked this look for my 5th grade photo day so hard that 12 years later Sharon Stone appeared at the Oscars in her version. Now, when it comes to Ms. Stone’s ensemble, I have to acknowledge a deep sadness because she took my hot look and made it a not look. First of all, she’s immediately docked points for all the cleavage. Sure, it’s enticing, but the boobs are distracting from the shirt. And while I’m talking about the shirt, why is hers so white and crisp? The look should be all about that dingy, ring-around-the-collar, I found this shirt hidden in the back of my dad’s closet in the donation pile vibe. I don’t blame Sharon for this gaff, but I do blame her people. They should know better. Shame on them.
Here I am in high school. This is the time in my life where I stepped into my chicness. If I’m pinpointing the exact moment, it was when my hairdresser, while brushing my hair said, “You know, your hair looks really good long in the back and short on the sides. Should we cut it?” I blurted out “Yes!” Because I knew it would look hot. Then without thinking I said, “You know what? Let’s perm it too!” Now looking at the above image, we can see there’s no denying that Andre Agassi was heavily inspired by me. Where he found an inspirational picture of me will go down as one of life’s great mysteries. Let’s rate his look. He gets points for the severe angle of his mullet and the hungry look in the eyes. But the game shifts to Team Hopkins due to the lack of a perm. Folks, you always perm it.
I have to admit, I really love this shot. It reminds me of the saying, “Once you know the rules, you can break them.” Here I am, just like my contemporaries, DVF, Anna Wintour, and Coco Chanel breaking rules like I broke hearts in this oversized sweatshirt top and cigar. Notice I’m also keeping it cool and casual with the feathered bangs that traipse over to the side of my head previously reserved for side hair. I’ve got wings. I can’t believe I didn’t trademark this. Anyway, I don't want to be too negative here with my pal, J-Lo, but J-Lo, J-Lo, J-Lo, if I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times, don’t try so hard! Why take this super casual, smokey joe moment and dress it up with expensive leather and hoop earrings? You’re trying to be hot, and you can’t try so hard, J-Lo. It’s something that one exudes from within. It’s ok, honey. You’ll get it. I hope.
So that’s it, folks.
I plan to share more of my fabulous, Met Gala-worthy looks in the future because not everyone can be a fashionista.
I understand that, and I’m here for you.
It’s Red So-Fine lol or Sovine lol or Wendi
Can’t figure out how to copy a pic. Have a ton of awful hair pics if I can figure out how to copy
As always, you are hysterical. I remember you best as Andre