I Can’t Change Your Mind

Reflecting on norms, respect, and the checks and balances that hold us together.

Time to move beyond “me”

I’m not sure you’re aware, but tomorrow’s a big day. 

I’m not talking about school closures that’ll leave parents scrambling for babysitters. I’m talking about finally getting this godforsaken election over with. Maybe not tomorrow, but hopefully pretty darn soon.

Before you close this tab, thinking I'm about to launch into a long-winded and extremely passionate plea for you to vote for Kamala because the fate of humanity hangs in the balance, cool your jets. 

This ain't that. Not really.

I’m not here to argue that electing Democrats will magically make eggs affordable again, though I think we can all agree some cheaper eggs would be pretty great right now.

I will quickly mention my very real worries that a Trump win could mean fewer rights and protections for my big gay relationship with my ladyfriend, Mary, and our kids—but right now, I'm setting those worries aside.

I do want to say that I think we can survive whoever wins this election. I think. I lived through Bush I and Bush II. It was not fun, but we came out fairly intact on the other side. Republicans who hated Clinton and Obama survived. Our country has made it through a civil war, a stock market crash, more wars, prohibition (that was dumb), more wars, recessions, 18% home loan interest rates, more wars, and the fashion that was the 1970s. 

I think if we could all agree to calm the f down and zoom out to a 30,000-foot view, we could agree that life goes on and policy swings in one direction, then the other, but ultimately moves forward. Even if the progress sometimes goes back a bit or is slow going.

But, I am increasingly concerned about what’s going on today, which I think is a catastrophic threat to our country’s forward momentum. This is not a concern that “OMG, if Trump is elected, our country will become indiscernible from Russia.” It’s more that I’m deeply worried about the erosion of traditions, norms, and the essential checks and balances that uphold our democratic process.

When lies, abusive language, racism, and encouragement of violence against opponents become the norm, we’re in serious trouble.

As a country, we won’t always agree on the best way to move forward. I can’t think of a single business partnership or work scenario where I’ve agreed with my coworkers on every single idea on a project. The company didn’t dissolve because of these disagreements. 

In the U.S., some of us believe in big government, some small. There are differing strategies and approaches to the economy, police reform, the use and size of our military, and states rights vs. federal government. But we can’t just blow up the other side when we disagree. We have to uphold the norms, rules, and traditions that have kept our country together as one. 

We’ve had presidential norms in place for many years, so logic dictates that unless there’s a good reason to get rid of the norm, it should continue. All politicians should show the people their tax returns to prove they’re free of conflicts of interest. They should be held accountable when they lie. They should peacefully transfer power and show up at an inauguration for the next president. 

Okay, let’s say you think there was some cheating, and you’re not willing to concede right away. Feel free to go ahead and sue, but when 62 courts say things were above board, you have to be a leader who tells their supporters to stand down and support the other side. 

The danger comes in continuing to spread lies. The danger comes in tearing down faith in our public institutions. The danger comes in saying that our entire election system is fraudulent because you lost.

People are following these words, becoming violent, and division is growing. 

We’re in trouble. 

Look, you don’t have to vote for Kamal Harris. Some lifelong Republicans such as Cheney (both father and daughter), Romney, McConnell, and countless others are. Still, you could consider abstaining from voting for president and voting down the ballot or writing someone else in for president. Like me, for instance. I won’t accept the presidency, but it’s always nice to be thought of. 

If there’s one thing I know at this stage in my life, it’s that my words are not likely to talk anyone in or out of a vote. So, what exactly is my point? I guess I’m hoping you’ll at least consider the importance of having someone run our country who is willing to follow established rules. You’ll consider the damage a candidate can do (and quite possibly already has) by saying the rules don’t apply to me.

Your consideration would be enough for me.

It’s an uncomfortable time right now with people we disagree with, but I’m not willing to lose friends, family, or loved ones over how they vote. Also, what’s the alternative? Divorcing relatives or bowing up ballot boxes and terrorizing our neighbors? 

No.

Let’s be civilized. Let’s bring back rules, norms, and decorum. Let’s hold ourselves and politicians accountable for the words that are spoken.

I hope you’ll consider these words, but if they don’t move you, that’s okay too.

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On a related note, we recently aired an episode of Well…Adjusting that I’m especially proud of. We invited communication expert Tania Israel to share insights on bridging our political divides, and it’s an incredibly powerful conversation. I urge you to give it a listen.

See you on the other side, friends!