How Was My Hiatus?
I took a month off from work. Did I relax to the max or spiral into a state of “who am I-ness?”
Last month, I posted a story called, Do I Know How to Hiatus? about my good fortune of being able to take a month off from work. If you haven’t read it yet, you may want to click back and check out my best-laid plans. In summary, I had plans not to have plans. Sure, I hoped I'd finish some pesky items that have been on my to-do list since the 1900s, but after that, I was going to see a lot of movies and be a tourist in my town, possibly even see the Statue of Liberty for the first time after living in New York City for 30 years. I was going to have balance and be my very best self while relaxing, rejuvenating, and all the other good-for-me-words that start with the letter r.
The question is did any of those things happen?
The short answer is not really, sort of, and totally.
Confused? I know. Stay with me.
I started hiatus full-tilt Robin. I created a “relaxation schedule” which I was going to follow, come Hell or high water. If I went off plan, it meant I did the hiatus wrong, threw away an opportunity, and should be forever shamed as I walk through the town square, naked, like Cersei in Game of Thrones.
I quickly realized I had a problem that could be summed up by that old chestnut of a saying, “Wherever you go, there you are.” The idea that I would all of a sudden be a person who doesn’t plan things (can you imagine?) is hilarious. Why did I think I’d be able to kick my feet up on our coffee table or wave like the Queen (but from the top of a double-decker tour bus) on a Tuesday afternoon?
My next realization was that my plan to work the first two hours of each weekday on overdue tasks (like updating my god-forsaken website) before taking the rest of the day off was a disaster. When I set this plan in motion, I assumed I’d feel accomplished after knocking out a task or two, and that would create a space for me to be all, “Oooh, now I’m relaxing!”
Instead, the mornings felt like a regular workday with hundreds of tasks in front of me that I didn’t want to do. That feeling immediately sent me into a familiar pattern of avoidance followed by guilt followed by “I’m a lazy p.o.s.” shame. And that shame came at me like a Ben Shelton, 149-mile-per-hour tennis serve.
After only a few days off, it became very clear I needed to make some changes.
So, I decided to try a less rigid approach to my schedule and shift to “on” and “off” days. I planned to throw caution to the wind by allowing myself to decide, on the fly, which kind of day it would be. I also decided to break up the pesky tasks into weekly buckets of a manageable amounts of items, so I wasn’t staring down the barrel of a giant to-do list. An overwhelming list meant I was minutes away from “I’ll never be able to finish this, so I might as well run the blender!” Like Shirley Maclaine did so well in Postcards From the Edge.
Slowly but surely, the new plan, or a new plan with fewer plans, started to come together. I took days off. I’m talking full days, in the middle of the week! It was tough at first. I had creeping guilt, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. I spent more than a couple of days watching Arrested Development on the couch from the moment the kids went to camp until I finally declared, “Well, I guess dinner isn’t going to make itself.” Then I asked Mary to make dinner so I could watch some more episodes.
I didn’t beat myself up about my couch time. I did some self-soothing. “Maybe you needed this nothingness time, Robin. Also, I’d like to remind you that Arrested Development is an important show in the canons of comedy, and it’s insane you’ve never watched it fully.” Even my self-help talk is a bit judgy.
I asked myself important questions like, “Do I have to do this task right now?” I embraced spontaneity, meeting my retired friend for tennis at the drop of a hat or walking across the Brooklyn Bridge just for fun and steps.
As time went on, I gave up the schedule almost entirely. I stopped looking at the items on my to-do list and instead, instinctively completed the tasks that needed to happen. I more than got my money’s worth from my Alamo Drafthouse movie Season Pass. I made the distinction between work work and fun work that I want to do because it’s my passion. I slowed down and found some balance.
And just like that, my hiatus was over, and I found myself ready to go back to work. Don’t get me wrong, similar to the end of every three-day weekend or vacation, I wanted just one more day… But I was ready.
Once I was back, I noticed a change in my approach to the workday. I feel a lot more like I’m sauntering up to a project vs. as my good pal, Rosie Acosta, Meditation Teacher Extraordinaire, says: approaching with “shoulder earrings” and a body so tense I could squeeze out a pearl. I said the part about the pearl. Rosie’s too classy for that.
I know it’s a privileged place that I’m writing about - to be able to take an entire month off from work, but if it’s something you’re able to swing, I have to tell you, it’s a game changer.
I do have to come clean about one thing, though. I never did make it to the Statue of Liberty. But let’s be honest, she’s not going anywhere. I’ve got all kinds of time.