GUEST POST: Packing Lightly
How to tell our fears to hit the road.
My very first guest post from the Barbara Crawford.
When we’re young and our minds are open, we absorb a tremendous amount of information and knowledge. We pack all that good stuff into a suitcase (your brain) and head out into adulthood. In these suitcases we have basics like language, math, family recipes, and things like how to brush your teeth. And though we didn’t pack them consciously, some interlopers snuck into the suitcase. Interlopers like self-doubt and fear.
Suddenly, you’re fully grown and waking up at 3 am to the crippling horror that you responded, “great, thanks” to someone who said, “hey” in passing on their way to the bathroom.
Or worse, you’re speaking in front of a large group of co-workers and suddenly you see that one of them is looking at you in what potentially could be interpreted as horror. There can be NO OTHER REASON for this other than that you are the literal worst speaker in the history of man, so your response is to forget all the words in which you are about to say. Making you the literal worst speaker in the history of man.
Sleep will evade you tonight, too.
All this lovely neurosis is coming from our respective suitcases. Call it childhood trauma or generational baggage, it’s there festering behind the learned knowledge, How to Make Mint Jelly. But unlike your grandmother’s recipe for the gelatinous condiment [gagging noise], these aren’t that easy to unlearn.
I am not saying mint jelly doesn’t come with its own generational trauma, but mint jelly is really easy to avoid. Imposter syndrome, not so much.
As an expert in all three of these fickle bitches, I can tell you that you don’t have to be held hostage by your self-doubt, your fear of failure, or your imposter syndrome. But it ain’t easy.
The most important first step is to notice when one of these a-holes come in the door. The second step is to tell them to leave. If you don’t kick them out, these parasites will live in your space rent-free and spew their toxic, self-defeating nonsense at you for your entire life. You have to take the power of their words away from them. And BELIEVE IT.
“Girl, hey,” Self-doubt peeks her head into the room. “So… are you really going to publish this? I mean, I don’t mean to be rude…. I just don’t want you to embarrass us.”
Fear of Failure peeks her head out from another door. “Did you just call me?”
“Guys, are you having a party without me??” Imposter Syndrome skips into the room and plops down on the couch.
You must kick these unwanted guests out of your space. There is no room for them and success. Be BRAVE. And be excited that you are doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.
That’s what bravery is. If you aren’t afraid to do something, you aren’t being brave, you’re just being. So go you!
This stuff happens to really successful people, too. Back in the way backs of time, I helped produce an event with director Joel Schumacher. He was talking about his experiences with his mentor, Woody Allen (problematic behavior aside) and discussing his fears around a movie he directed that was coming out. Joel asked Woody, “What if my movie is the worst movie in history?”
Woody Allen’s response? “Believe me, your movie isn’t that important.”
I’m paraphrasing this story since it’s been decades, but the message is clear. Fear and self-doubt happen to everyone, but we don’t have to let them dictate our path. Take the power away from those words. Because if we don’t, it wins.
So, let’s get out of our own way. These voices are the worst of us. Let’s tuck these a-holes back under How to Clean Crown Molding and get on with our successful lives. We are worth more than what they tell us.
EPILOGUE: If you reading this, I hit publish. Take that, suitcase bitches!
Barbara Crawford is the editor and head writer of the blog, Electronic Ego. When not sparring with her nemesis, Self Doubt, she can be seen not at the gym.
