Getting Buff in Your 50s…Sort of

Preventing “nursing home body” is my latest obsession.

In a recent episode of Well…Adjusting, we had a Timeline nutritionist and all around “getting healthy” expert, Jennifer on to talk about menopause, aging, and taking care of our bods. If you haven’t tuned in yet, do yourself a favor and give it a listen!

The conversation was fascinating for so many reasons, but one line from Jennifer has stuck with me ever since: “I’m no longer trying to get a beach body; I’m trying to prevent nursing home body.”

When I heard that, I was dumbstruck. As a child of the ’70s and ’80s, I was raised on a steady diet of “Cardio or die!” messaging. We’ve lived through aerobics with Jane Fonda, Richard Simmons, and that guy on the beaches of Hawaii. We step-aerobics-ed, Jazzercise-ed, Tae Bo-ed, Zumba-ed, and Barre-ed our way through the decades. We bought Bowflex machines, NordicTracks, and enough VHS tapes to build a small fortress. 

And yet, here we are—still scratching our heads and asking, “What exactly am I supposed to be doing for my body right now?”

In one sentence, Jennifer freed me from decades of fads and Couch to 5K guilt trips. She gave me permission to keep enjoying my peaceful morning walks that reconnect me with nature and bring me calm—and to add a little strength training so I can get up off the floor without yelling, “Mary! Mary! Mary! Help me get off this stupid floor!”

If you know Mary and me, you know what happens next. She’d come over, try to hoist me up, and end up falling herself. Then we’d be rolling on the floor, laughing until our stomachs hurt—before realizing, oh crap, we actually can’t get up. Cue the desperate hope that one of our kids comes home from school soon because if we don’t feed our cat, she absolutely will eat us alive. She’s like that.

Lucy thinking about eating us.

Needless to say, I’m pretty excited about starting strength training with Mary. We even found a free app that creates personalized routines tailored to our very specific goal: don’t wither away.

I’m especially thrilled to ditch the elliptical and stop pretending I enjoy it—or that my body was somehow meant for cardio. Let’s be real: I’m more like a big, sturdy tree with deep, heavy roots. Lithe and aerodynamic? Absolutely not.

Of course, with this new fitness adventure comes a whole new set of concerns and worries.

1. Strength training can be intimidating. What’s the etiquette for all those loose weights and benches and barbells? How much will I embarrass myself in front of some juiced up dudes and those woman in lululemon who don’t actually need to be at the gym? 

2. Do Mary and I look like this in the free weight area? 

3. I’m super competitive, especially with myself. Will I get in over my head and end up like this? 

4. Speaking of competitive, someone give me a shoutout if I get carried away and start to look like this. 

5. But also, worse, what if no matter how many tricep extensions I do, I still have the wild turkey neck triceps? You know exactly what I’m talking about.

Ok, concerns aside, I’m going for it people. Gonna get ripped. Gonna get lean. Well, maybe I’ll just get so I can take a vegetable out of the bottom crisper drawer and not throw my back out.

Either way is a win.

Want to join me? Drop your strength training routines and inspo in the comments.

Let’s get swoll(ish).