Did COVID Ruin My Sense of Style, or Am I Just Out of F#*cks to Give?

A look at the outfits I’ve been showing up in lately.

Growing up, my mom had one rule: she never left the house without “putting on” her eyebrows. Family lore says she shaved her eyebrows off as a teenager, and they never grew back. I share this not because I’ve recently shaved my eyebrows (phew) but because I was raised to believe there is a baseline for what’s appropriate when you leave the house.

Much to my mom’s dismay, I’ve always chosen sneakers over heels, button-downs over blouses, and backpacks over purses. But the pandy unlocked a new level of what I consider acceptable public attire.

I used to put in some effort. Sure, it was usually jeans and a branded T-shirt from my job, but at least I slapped on eyeliner, mascara, and a cute pair of sneakers. These days? Sweats and T-shirts are my whole personality. It’s giving laundry day. Speaking of laundry, when putting away my clean clothes, I carefully separate them into categories: dress sweats, regular sweats, and sleep sweats. Jeans are reserved for funerals and state dinners.

When you work from home, it’s pretty easy to ask yourself, Do I really need to shower today? The answer should be yes, but I seem to be operating under the illusion that Zoom has a magic filter that prevents people from seeing the entire left side of my hair stuck to my face from sleeping on it. It’s like I believe the camera has Star Wars mind-trick powers: This is not the unshowered woman you are looking at.

It does not.

Now, I don’t know if my current state of “Why Even Try?” is a lingering symptom of lockdown life or the delightful onset of perimenopause, where I’m spending so much energy trying to get a grip on my erratic hormones that I no longer have time to think about pants. Either way, I should probably be concerned.

Look, I might be leaning into the comedy here, but I did leave the house in this outfit last week:

Nothing says elegance like tapered sweatpants and a man’s t-shirt.

I stormed into dinner with a co-worker (late) wearing this exact look—no makeup—justifying it by telling myself that, at the very least, my freshly DIY-dyed eyebrows made me look somewhat put together. If my mother had been buried instead of cremated, she would have rolled over in her grave.

Upon arrival, I blamed my lateness, my college alma matter sweatpants, and my Old Navy shirt on the fact that I had been on the phone with another parent, diplomatically navigating a conversation about their kid punching my kid. I was shooting for “frantic mom who should be applauded for showing up” vibes, but I think everyone knew I had no plans to change out of those sweatpants.

Let’s Talk Footwear

Last spring, I bought a new pair of Hoka sneakers. I was going for a look—black matte and funky. They arrived and, in fact, did not look cool. They looked like I was working part-time as a prison guard.

Did I return them and get something cuter? No. I kept them, and I have been wearing them (and looking dumb) for almost a year now. But a few weeks ago, I finally ordered new Hokas—this time from the sale section. My daughter approved of their bright colors but has been mocking me on social media for wearing them with what she calls “the most hideous socks in human history.”

However, I would like to note that my daughter stole my phone and ran an Instagram poll, and over 70% of people said my sock-and-sneaker combo was brilliant. Take that, Maxine.

I call this whimsical and fun, my daughter calls it hideous and hilarious.

The Crocs Situation

I wish we were done with footwear, but I must report that I own multiple pairs of Crocs.

• One pair for walking around the house to help with shin pain (I’m 100 years old).

• One pair lined with faux fur for the winter months.

Funny story: I put the faux fur Crocs on my family Christmas list and linked them on Amazon. There were 27 color options, but my family assumed I wanted the rainbow clown version because that was the default image. Did I return them and get a nice, understated navy blue pair? No, I did not because the navy ones were five dollars more.

I am wearing those Crocs right now. I will be wearing them to tennis later today. In public. Without shame.

Even I can’t justify these badboys.

So, friends, I think it’s clear—there’s no hope for me. But if you haven’t hit perimenopause yet, you might still have time to save yourself. Godspeed.

This post was brought to you by Cotton and Other Stretchy Sweatpant Materials.

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Acting Breakthrough!

Speaking of wardrobe fails, you can catch me on Law & Order tonight at 8 PM (NBC!) in my breakthrough role as "Tourist." This episode is literally ripped from the headlines, all about a healthcare executive getting shot on the street by a vigilante. And me? I’m the lady from Ohio who saw it all. A pivotal, crucial, and possibly award-worthy performance. Tune in and witness me with green eye shadow, a puffer coat, and very sensible, but giant walking sneakers.

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This week on Well…Adjusting

Last but not least, we’ve got another fabulous episode of the Well…Adjusting podcast out now. We’re talking chronic pain, plus big life transitions. Emily joins us to talk about navigating work, self-care, and managing a chronic condition when life gets busy. But is it really about time—or something deeper? And the incredible Dora Kamau closes out the episode with a meditation technique to help anyone dealing with pain, stress, or just life.

Til next time, friends!